The wonderfully insightful, ceaselessly creative and great friend to all, Russ Buchan (..who also resembles a sane F.N.) has graciously offered his thoughts on this whole religion business.
Arise, arise, you pious; get off your bended knees,
For even heathen atheists know gods don't come in threes.
"A Mighty Fortress is Our God", a song the Christians sing,
But once you're through those hallowed gates, you will not find a thing.
For Christendom's a hollow mock; there's nothing really there,
Time spent at the horse track is more exceeding fair.
Though gambling's nearly useless as a way to gaining riches,
It beats the writhing whining of those Holy Roller bitches.
Your Jews, your chanting Arabs, your fucking useless Copts,
When comes the time for begging, they pull out all the stops.
"It's God's work that we're doing", they testily reply,
But who held up the ladder when their God hung up the sky?
Any mortal clad in flesh can lay his faults 'neath Jesus,
Then amble off and drunkenly engage in that which pleases.
Cosmologic happenings to atheists seem random,
The more religious folks, however, think a Planner planned 'em.
A man who lies with other men (Leviticus' blackguard),
Surely shall be put to death (unless his name's Ted Swaggert).
A wondrous shrub that burnt, yet spake, a parted Sea, a talking snake,
A fishy-sounding Virgin Birth; these silly myths yet walk the Earth.
The Pope's own credibility has been severely tested,
But it falls short when he protects the Priests who have molested.
At standing sexual intercourse, your Baptist looks askance,
Lest voyeuristic lookers-on mistake the act for dance.
When Mormons meet, the clothes they wear are anything but civvies,
For underneath their garments they're sporting magic skivvies.
While we regard as quaint beliefs in transubstantiation,
The Papists eat and drink their Lord with shows of degustation.
The Afterlife sure looks a bore, with moping prigs and such,
Considering alternatives, you're better off born Dutch.
Your basic Hindu cops a stance that he regards as holy,
Eschewing animals as food, which leaves just guacamole.
Your Buddhists, too, aspire to Zen, a state that borders Oneness,
But stick a fork in that, me lad, and check it out for Doneness.
Your Muslims have a touchy side, and be they Shia or Sunni,
They think the Prophet's cartooned mug is anything but funny.
It's atheists, yes, atheists, who really know the score,
So read your Richard Dawkins before knocking on that 'door'.
Yes! Off with all your finery! Give your garments to the poor!
And realize, you silly cunts, Religion is a whore.
(editor's note: Freddy also pointed out that "..a casual stroll through any lunatic asylum proves that faith means nothing."
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